Rednecks & Lesbians

There are two things the Usana Amphitheater is not shy on: rednecks and lesbians. I want an encounter with neither but if I had to choose it be with a redneck...lucky me.

It's always been easy for me to attract weird men. Namely; pubescent and moody teenagers, Italians with an abundance of chest hair flowing out of their v-necks, darling old men, creepy old men, random men who think I'm Russian, mid-life crisis men who think it's ok to video-tape me, and rednecks like the one I met at the Usana.

As I was waiting for my friend to purchase her diet coke I became aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I'm sure you've come across the type: wranglers, boots, cowboy hat, huge ol' belt buckle, handsome mustache...and to top it all off, he was double handing it with the beers. Because really, why only drink one beer when you have hands enough for two? I tried to block out most of the conversation but the best line went like this:

Mustache: "Are you rich?"

Me: "Um, no?"

Mustache: "Do you want to meet a millionaire?"

Me: "Not really" (While thinking to myself, a millionaire? That's so 90's! Who calls anyone a millionaire these days?)

Mustache: "This is my friend, he's a millionaire and he's hairy!"

Me: "Lucky"

Mustache: "He may not look like it but he is"

Me: "Good"

(despite what you may think, curt one word answers do not discourage people as they should)

Mustache: "You should be friends with him, he has a lot of shiny things"

Luckily by this point my friend was done. Throwing an excuse over my shoulder as I hurried away, I thought how bold people can be and how much his personality was affected by the alcohol.

Unfortunately, or luckily because it was entertaining, I saw him again. He somehow appeared again, too close for my comfort, and proceeded for hours to dance in a manner that no one should be allowed to. He is way to old to get that low. Fortunately we got a snippet on film. I promise it was more horrifying in person.

(If this makes me equally weird and creepy for filming this, I fully accept the charge)

Oh! And he danced right up to some lady and full on made out with her! Amber claims they came together. I'm not convinced.

Gondolas

Venice is one of the most enchanting cities. It's a kaleidoscope of colors, sounds, and smells...some better than others. The atmosphere is intoxicating with exciting picturesque events on every corner and the imminent threat of the whole place sinking into the ocean. I love Venice. Not only was it immensely enjoyable but it was also very educational. One of the most important things I learned there was Italian men can be very forward. No point in trying to discourage it, Italian forwardness does not comprehend such a thing. In fact, attempted discouragement comes across as foreplay. It's slightly hilarious, maybe a little annoying, and always a good dose of inappropriateness. My favorite example of a quintessential Italian was experienced on a gondola. You see the gondolas in the movies, they are equally charming in real life. The one downfall is they are about 100 euros for a ride. My friends and I were torn about whether this was worth it, but then we saw...him. A tall, dark, swarthy Italian with blue eyes. Now if he was to be our gondola man then yes, 100 euros were definitely worth it. So we paid up, stepped aboard and waited for Mr. Italian Stallion to row us through the canals. Yet somehow, we ended up with a shorter, older, louder, creepier, but entertaining Italian. We were immediately invited to his home for dinner that night and then serenaded with this little number as we floated through Venice.

Gondola rides are totally worth it. Especially if you are lucky enough to get a sefl-assured singer/songwriter genius like ours.

Country Boys and Girls

I recently returned from spending a most fabulous summer in New York City. So far I've been very unhappy about trading the hustle and bustle of Manhattan for the slower, dare I say boring, Utah life. Thankfully, I was reminded of one of the many perks of living in the West. Tim McGraw. Does Timmy go to Central Park to do outdoor concerts on the Great Lawn? I think not. Does he go to Salt Lake where he performs to hundreds of jubilant, albeit somewhat drunk and possibly trashy, fans? Yes, yes he most certainly does. It became gospel to me that while you can, and I did, "have a lot of fun in a New York minute, but there are some things you can't do inside those city limits." Utah often gets a bad rep. I am guilty of sometimes thinking it's boring and unfulfilling, but then I have a night like tonight where I can see one of my favorite artists sing against the backdrop of the Rocky Mountains and remind me that I'm just a country girl who every once and awhile needs to get down on the farm. So I say Utah, you are great and I am glad to be back, if only for the sweet summer nights of outdoor concerts.