Rednecks & Lesbians

There are two things the Usana Amphitheater is not shy on: rednecks and lesbians. I want an encounter with neither but if I had to choose it be with a redneck...lucky me.

It's always been easy for me to attract weird men. Namely; pubescent and moody teenagers, Italians with an abundance of chest hair flowing out of their v-necks, darling old men, creepy old men, random men who think I'm Russian, mid-life crisis men who think it's ok to video-tape me, and rednecks like the one I met at the Usana.

As I was waiting for my friend to purchase her diet coke I became aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I'm sure you've come across the type: wranglers, boots, cowboy hat, huge ol' belt buckle, handsome mustache...and to top it all off, he was double handing it with the beers. Because really, why only drink one beer when you have hands enough for two? I tried to block out most of the conversation but the best line went like this:

Mustache: "Are you rich?"

Me: "Um, no?"

Mustache: "Do you want to meet a millionaire?"

Me: "Not really" (While thinking to myself, a millionaire? That's so 90's! Who calls anyone a millionaire these days?)

Mustache: "This is my friend, he's a millionaire and he's hairy!"

Me: "Lucky"

Mustache: "He may not look like it but he is"

Me: "Good"

(despite what you may think, curt one word answers do not discourage people as they should)

Mustache: "You should be friends with him, he has a lot of shiny things"

Luckily by this point my friend was done. Throwing an excuse over my shoulder as I hurried away, I thought how bold people can be and how much his personality was affected by the alcohol.

Unfortunately, or luckily because it was entertaining, I saw him again. He somehow appeared again, too close for my comfort, and proceeded for hours to dance in a manner that no one should be allowed to. He is way to old to get that low. Fortunately we got a snippet on film. I promise it was more horrifying in person.

(If this makes me equally weird and creepy for filming this, I fully accept the charge)

Oh! And he danced right up to some lady and full on made out with her! Amber claims they came together. I'm not convinced.